Some Honest Words from a Mother.

When people would see me out with Max and at the same time all big and preggo with Milo, the first thing people ask is "how far apart will they be?"  They hear 13 months and the second thing out of their mouth is "wow.  you are going to be busy"  They LOVE saying it, almost with a giggle.  I heard it non stop.  They also had tons of other bits of advice and encouraging words, that I listened to and took in, preparing myself for every bit of being a mom of two babies.

But there is one bit of advice, a warning almost, that no one ever said to me.  There is one feeling that hit me like a ton of bricks and no one ever prepared me.  GUILT.

Max has been my heart and my world for the past year.  He had a rough start at life and anyone who went through that with us has a special place in their heart for him too.  Anyone who meets him sees his beauty, inner and outer.  He is funny, silly, happy, loving.... their aren't enough words to describe his wonder.  He touches hearts.

Then I bring home my Little Milo.  And he is instantly in my heart.  And without warning, the guilt comes.   On our ride home, through tear-filled eyes and in a squeaky girl-cry voice, I turn to my hubbs and ask "do you think Max understands?"  Because my fear is he doesn't.  It feels like I took some of his special away.   He now shares his special with Milo.  And that makes me sad for him.  Does he get that he is still special?  Does he get he is still in my heart?  Does he get that the love is shared and equal?  I worry.

But then my Max himself gives me the answer.

"mom, I get it.  and everything's going to be alright."

I love these boys, unconditionally.  And turns out, they love each other unconditionally too.